"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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