At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
