i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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