She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
