Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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