One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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