we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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