Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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