It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
