it wasn't lemon gatorade
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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