You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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