shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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