i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I touched a dick in church today
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
