Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
