hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
