He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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