Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
