Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
