I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
