Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Sponge bath it is.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
