If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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