I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
