ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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