You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
then he tried to convert me to islam
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
