Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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