...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
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i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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