I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
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Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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