Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
