He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
your room smells of hookers.
And success
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
being pregnant is like rehab
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
