Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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