How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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