yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
