i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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