It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
