he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
either way he was missing a nipple.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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