they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
