first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We left an ass print on the piano.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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