I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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