His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
