i don't like sucking hair
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
