No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
