You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
