He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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