I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
