party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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