Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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