Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
