Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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