I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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