You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
