so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
what the fuck happened to the tacos
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
