Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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