hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
