Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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