she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize