i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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