I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
