sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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