sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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