There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I love you. Go after that dick
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
