This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
