sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
