I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
