So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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