When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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