i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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