You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
