she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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