Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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