Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
