I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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