I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
