I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We need to rekindle our bromance
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
