Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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