Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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