I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?