Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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