Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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